Surrender

So i am entering the world of blogging today...I hope all goes well. :O)

About a month ago I had my perfect little box completely smashed. And it was pretty amazing! My Father has shown me how wonderful it can be giving him the control that he requires us to give Him. For the longest time I thought that I was giving Father the control that He so desired, when in reality I was giving Him only the parts that I wanted to give.

Starting at the beginning to fill you in, just in case you don't know.

I have been dating this wonderful man of God for about 3 1/2 years and I thought my life was set. I was going to get married after college, go to some foreign country and live happily ever after. Oh, and I was going to fit God somewhere in there. I was going along with my life as if I was doing exactly what God wanted from me. Boy oh boy was I wrong. I had put God in this stupid little box and was pouring my heart and soul into it.

And then He destroyed it. I was completely crushed and broken. How could He do this to me? I was doing exactly what He wanted of me. Or was I? It took a three hour ride home and a weekend of prayers and yelling until I finally realized how completely wrong I was. God has showed me how compassionate and loving He really is and how He has so many more promises in store for me and all I have to do is let Him take over the reins and show me.

For those of you that know me know that I have felt called to the mission field. I had original and naive thought that missions meant in some foreign country. I had heard numerous times that your mission field does not have to be in some foreign country but that it is right where you are at. It did not truly hit me until one Sunday night at Overflow. I am now not sure at all where God wants me, whether it is in some foreign country, here in Texas, with an agency or going on my own. And you know what? That is okay. It is kind of scary not really knowing what may happen in the future but it is so freeing not having to worry about it and knowing that God is completely on my side and has AMAZING things in store for me.

Finally, (I know, I know this is a ridiculously long blog but I have a lot to say and I promise they won't all be this long!) when I first felt the call to the mission field my original thought was that I was going to be the one in charge and doing everything that needed to be done. (Once again I was rebelling against what God had intended for me) Since the glorious day that my box was smashed I have come to realize that yes, my call is to missions but first and foremost my call is to be a missionary's wife. I am going to save this topic for a different blog but please stay tuned to find out all the happenings of my life!!!!

Below is Surrender by BarlowGirl. I am putting these lyrics on here because this song has been the story of my life this past month and has helped through some of the tougher times.



My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen.
So many years I’ve shaped each one
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
Now you’re asking me to show
What I’m holding Oh so tightly.
Can’t open my hand; can’t let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can’t you let me go?

Chorus
Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can’t you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me

Say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life.
Told me the world has yet to see
What you can do with one
That’s committed to your call.
I know of course what I should do
That I can’t hold these dreams forever.
But if I give them now to you
Will you take them
Away forever?
Or can I dream again?